ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
