i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize