It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
