he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize