I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
