just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
