Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize