Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
