dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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