Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
handjob tips. give me some.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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