She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
not ubering you a puppy
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
