your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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