I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
