don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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