Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
