Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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