I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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