I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
