I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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