You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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