did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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