I CAN MOONWALK!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
