Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
