The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
