My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
