after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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