The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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