I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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