You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
