I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
there is glitter all over my balls
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