What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
