Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
