Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
