You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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