my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
