I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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