Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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