yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
