I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
