not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
