Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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