I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
