Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
