Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
