thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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