I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize