Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
