There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
