she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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