yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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