I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
