No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
