She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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