What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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