Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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