I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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