I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
