omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
