She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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