That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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