All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
