you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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