I need help removing her.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
