There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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