Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
