"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This house was built for laser tag.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
