1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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