You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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