If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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