The maid of honor just puked.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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