i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
