My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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