your room smells of hookers.
And success
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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