My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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