I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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